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Getting over someone you loved and then lost is more about the way you see yourself and the failed relationship than it is about figuring out what went wrong. Because that pain is coming, whether you like it or not.
Illustration: Michele McCammon. Getting hurt by others is inevitable.
8 tips for forgiving someone who hurt you
It feels lousy. And sometimes that bad feeling lasts and lasts. Luskin has spent decades studying the benefits of forgiveness.
In a recent Stanford Pathfinders podcast episodehe explained that most of the reasons to forgive are for your own welfare. It triggers physical distress.
6 reasons why getting over a toxic ex can be the hardest, according to experts
Here are eight ways to work on that. When someone hurts you, Luskin says, grief and anger are natural and healthy responses.
So is self-pity! Constructive anger solves a problem in the moment by galvanizing you so that you respond appropriately to a threat, Luskin says.
Getting over someone requires new sources of meaning
Destructive anger is repetitive and has no positive result. You just accept it and make peace.
So getting hurt is inevitable. We have to have a mechanism for letting it go and making peace, in order to have happy sustainable relationships. Our brains are deed to keep us safe from danger, Luskin says, and so a lot of the stories we tell ourselves are not accurate.
3. give up the need to be right.
We create these distortions in our head to keep us safe. Luskin says that attributing your present distress to something that happened in the past is a way of making yourself a victim. When you can do that, you gain a sense of your own resilience. Charity Ferreira is a contributing editor at S tanford. her at stanford.
How to forgive and let go of someone who has hurt you
Stanford couples share how they balance the demands of relationship and career in a way that's fulfilling for both parties. Magazine Current Issue Past Issues. Facebook - share an article.
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Learning to let go of past hurts: 5 ways to move on
By Charity Ferreira. Get mad, feel hurt and grieve. Remind yourself why you want this person in your life.
Make yourself the hero. Related .
How to get over someone and move on with your life
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